There are new fears over the safety of our
railways tonight following the publication of a new report. The report, which
is the latest in a long line of such works, states:
"For years we have been having
trouble with damaged or missing railway sleepers," said Dr Douglas Ramsbottom.
"At last we have found an explanation: Alan Titchmarsh." According
to Dr Ramsbottom "It was alright when Titchmarsh and his landscapers
used old discarded railway sleepers to make their raised beds, but now they've
run out they've been taking them off railway lines that are still in use!"
The government has responded to the
report with caution. A spokesman for the Transport Department told DeadBrain,
"Our railways have always had an excellent safety record and accidents
are extremely rare. The pillaging of railway sleepers for use in second-rate
garden makeover shows has got to stop before the unthinkable happens and someone
gets hurt while travelling on a train!"
Thanks for the tongue in cheek advice. I guess we should take care
if our railway route passes near an allotment ! What looks like a railway
worker may be a sleeper thief !